FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
