you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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