So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
