why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
