I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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