it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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