Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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