I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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