question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
