Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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