I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
