All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
