Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
