remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
