Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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