i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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