Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
