I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize