When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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