hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
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Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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