It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
