I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
lol hangovers are for mortals.