Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.