i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before