Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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