My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
