Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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