Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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