If that was your dad, he is hot
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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