i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
