Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
