you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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