I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
