I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
