Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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