you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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