We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
