I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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