Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
as a side note pls kill me
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
