Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
