I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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