saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Are my feet made of real feet?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
