so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
