Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
