I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
