He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
