dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
