i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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