oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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