dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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