I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
