If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Boobs are out for the taking
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
