I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
