Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
