dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
