I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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