I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
