I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
