I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
