I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
