If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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