The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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