can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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