we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So. Much. Porn.
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