"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
