My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
