Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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