But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
