I CAN MOONWALK!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
