you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
