Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so let's talk penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
