i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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