My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
