Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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