My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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