So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
