no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
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You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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