I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
