i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
