Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
