I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize