Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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