Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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