I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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