so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
