Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
